Chapter 2 – What to do when they won’t agree

Dealing With Reluctance – 1

They’re Not Telling you Why

Things don’t always go your way first time.

For example, if one of the attendees seems reluctant to go along with the plan, or doesn’t seem to like the great idea, then ask them to tell you their issues.

Jane … you don’t look so sure. What is it that’s troubling you?

With this invitation, Jane will explain her issues which you can then solve together as a team.

If you suspect that Jane is holding back and not saying what she really thinks, then press further.

Jane … what else is there that bothers you. Tell us and we’ll try to help.

You have to dig for the objection. Never assume that you get told the full story straight away.

The fact is that Jane might need to speak to others before she can commit.

Find out what this commitment means for her and what is required to gain it.

Don’t be put off by throwaway remarks like Oh, I’ll sort it out … leave it to me

This might conceal the kiss of death to the idea, and consequently the meeting’s success. You can’t be sure. But you need to be sure.

Gently keep pressing and offering to help.

Please, Jane … share with us what you need to do. Please be open with us.

An invitation to openness is good and is fair to say. But say it pleasantly and make it light hearted otherwise it might come out like a showdown, which won’t help.

Tread carefully but be persistent. If you’re not persistent and let things go as they are you’ll never really know what’s going on.

When people are objecting you need to know Who? How? When? What? Where? How many?

You need to dig openly as a group to determine if Jane’s reluctance is:

1 – Objective and based on real reasons such as time or money or uncertainties as to feasibility or policy. Or the need for more information.

2 – Subjective and basically a general unhappiness with the idea

Wherever you can, let others in the group do this work for you. Pass the baton round your allies.

Objective Reluctance can be dealt with. Simply give Jane what she needs, such as more information or stronger commitment from others, or other assurances. Let the group discuss this together to establish a consensus.

Subjective Reluctance is more difficult. It means she hasn’t bought-in to the idea, or doesn’t believe in it.

To overcome this, encourage Jane to talk about the Vision of what you’re trying to achieve and ask her to spell out her ideas for a solution.

In this way, two things can happen:

• She’ll put her cards on the table and say what she really thinks

• It’ll give the group a chance to work together with her to find an answer.

Either way, you’re starting to get to the bottom of the problem.

By getting problems out in the open the group can deal with them and overcome them together.

Exercise 17:

From now on the exercises are mostly good habit builders. Adopt these habits and you’ll become more successful.

People don’t tell what they really think, so openly encourage openness. Start by being open yourself. If you’re going to conceal things, then so are they.

Always find out if someone’s reluctance is objective or subjective.

If it’s objective, then simply find ways to give them what they want.

If you feel it’s subjective, then get them to talk and suggest alternatives.

You have to dig for the objection. Dig, dig, dig until everything is on the table. Then deal with it as a group.

> Dealing with Reluctance – 2 – Blocked Vision