When people behave badly

Bad behaviour can take on a number of forms.

The main examples we all see include:

• Bad temper or rudeness

• Gossip groups on the side

• Shaggy dog stories

• Reading something else or plainly not paying attention to the proceedings.

• Hijacking the meeting for another separate agenda

We saw earlier with forming-storming-norming-performing how people can border on bad behaviour. But we recognised that this is often a fundamental part of a group coming together.

But what about when the meeting is in full swing?

It would be easy to say - no bad behaviour.

But you have to look at the circumstances.

• Bad temper might mean someone needs help.

• A small sub group chatting on the side might actually be working out an area of the issue under consideration.

• A person telling a shaggy dog story might be shy and need to break the ice.

• Someone not paying attention might mean that the meeting is genuinely boring.

But having made these points of mitigation, here’s what to do if you think someone is behaving badly:

Rudeness: John ... don’t be bad tempered.

Simply reminding someone in a gentle soft way has the remarkable effect of sobering them up. It works so use it.

Chatting: Hello over there ... is there something we all need to know?

Again, say it gently with a smile and they’ll stop misbehaving - or tell you if they’ve been discussing something important.

Shaggy Dog: That’s great, Derek, thanks. Can we just move on now? We’re a bit pressed for time.

Be gentle and don’t sound impatient, or they’ll not like you, even if they were wittering. Smile and gently redirect them.

You don’t have to wait for their punch line. Gently interrupt if what they’re saying is irrelevant.

Reading or not paying attention: Jane ... can I draw your attention to what we’ve just said. I need you in on this.

You’re not telling her off, but simply explaining that you need her, you’re ready for her now.

The Hijacker: Karen .. I feel you’re hijacking this meeting. We’re here to discuss ...

With all the above, don’t be drawn if they answer back. Ignore any negative responses, if you get them.

Focus on the agenda, and not on their response.

Exercise 37:

It’s okay to tell people when they’re behaving badly.

Speak sweetly. Never lose your temper or become over bearing, no matter what.

Focus on the agenda, not their response to you.

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